I officially have more than 365 days of fatherhood under my belt.
Maybe it’s because sleep has been at a premium at times, but it sure doesn’t feel that long ago I was holding my 6-pound, 11-ounce newborn and fawning over her monkey- sounding cry. A week after, I was hugging my second as she completed our Troutman four. A year later, our nearly 20-pound one-year-old is hitting milestone after milestone, almost too quickly for us to keep up.
We’ve endured a trying year with Liv, dealing with an early sickness we couldn’t diagnose, only to learn later it was caused by a hole in her heart. Through the year of doctor’s appointments, the surgery and the recovery, I’ve learned quite a few things not only about how to be a dad and father, but also how to be a better person overall. Being a dad, I thought, would come fairly natural to me. Having spent a couple years around our now second-grader, I picked up a few things.
I’ve learned many of the basics, like how to hold my teacup, what things I can and can’t order from the kitchen playset restaurant (they don’t serve Brussels sprouts), how high is too high on a swing, and the proper way to cook grilled cheese (only use oil, not butter).
I knew early on, being a dad to Olivia would be fairly easy: make funny faces and sounds, give a plenty of affection and make sure those diapers are changed on the regular.
Those checklist items don’t take much thought, just plenty of effort.
Effort is where the difference is made in just being a dad and taking on the role of father.
Some things you don’t get told about fatherhood are the inexplicable stomach bugs, the intensity of a child’s fear during a night thunderstorm versus a day thunderstorm, the patience needed to keep trying to get the baby to go to sleep after hours of crying or discomfort, or the patience needed to deal with a kid who gets her stubbornness from you.
Dads are there for the fun times, but fathers are there all the time.
Our most difficult times mostly all came before Olivia’s surgery, not knowing what would happen and if it would be all OK.
Thankfully, with the backing of friends, family and an amazing community, that went better than anyone could have expected.
After taking two months to gain one pound prior to surgery, Liv gained three pounds only two weeks postop, and she’s getting back to normal weight at about 20 pounds now.
We were able to make the most of our summer still – almost too much – taking a trip to Tybee Island, Ga., celebrating my father’s 60th birthday and celebrating Liv’s first.
In the aftermath of open heart surgery, it felt a little different to be able to put our baby’s butt in the sand and toes in the ocean.
Following that with the trip to Little Rock, Ark., for my father’s milestone was equally as emotional. When discussing the difference between being a dad and a father, no one comes to mind more than my own old man.
We’ve had our trying times over the years, and if I know Karma, I’ll get some of that back when my girls hit their teens.
Hopefully I handle it at least half as gracefully as my father, who over my lifetime has been more of a role model than I knew when it comes to raising girls.
As I reflect on the past year, I hope we can replace some of our challenges with extra progress, which goes for me, as well.
I think I’ve done a satisfactory job in year one. Now, there’s only a lifetime of fathering to go.
Kyle Troutman has served as the editor of the Cassville Democrat since 2014. In 2017, he was named William E. James/Missouri Outstanding Young Journalist for daily newspapers, and in 2022, he won a Golden Dozen Award from ISWINE. He may be reached at 417-847-2610 or ktroutman@cherryroad.com.
