In mid-July, the Monett Missouri Stake, which covers eight counties in southwestern Missouri, sponsored a Marriage Workshop at the Monett Stake Center, which was attended by over 60 persons from across the Stake. 

It was taught by Dr. Aaron Shaw, Ph.D., L.M.F.T., from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Family Services Northwestern Arkansas.

Attendees enjoyed a light breakfast prepared and served by Molly Bryan, Monett Stake Relief Society president, and Tamaren Ummel, second counselor.  Attendees had a choice of different pastries or a yogurt-granola-fruit cup, offered both before the workshop and during the workshop breaks.

Shaw talked to the 5 human needs: the need to feel in control; the need to feel love; the need to keep the body alive; the need for freedom; the need for fun. He then asked attendees for positive and negative ways to meet each of those needs and explained that when those needs aren’t met, people feel anxious, depressed or angry.

He taught that most fights begin with accusations and escalate into retaliations. He recommended that a couple take a break any time there is name calling, cussing, raised voices or talking is blocked.

The rules for addressing issues were as follows:

1. There must be no “you” accusations. Instead, there must be expressions of how the issue is making one feel, such as, scared, embarrassed, hurt, lonely, confused, inadequate, overwhelmed, sad, helpless etc.  

2. After the person with the issue expresses his or her feeling, the other partner needs to say, “What can I do to help?” 

3. If the discussion gets too emotional, take a break. 

4. Before separating, though, state when to come back to address the issue again, but no more than four hours later.

Dr. Shaw’s teaching technique of 20 minutes of his talking and 10 minutes of processing with others, made the three-hour workshop enjoyable and friendly.