Bob Mitchell: A little seasonal humor

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Some humor, that should be in everyone’s life this time of year, comes out as part of a recent sermon, so it should be fit to print.

Speaking of fit to print, there used to be two theories for newspapers when establishing a policy for news content. For some, it was all the news that’s fit to print. The other was, all the news that fits was printed.

The latter usually applied to weeklies whose space available dictated the length of either news or feature material.

But, now to the title point of this column, I’ll give you what was considered a recent good piece of humor.

A boy’s blind date

Once upon a time, there was a young man going out on a blind date for the first time with this very attractive young lady. In preparation, he went to a drug store to make a purchase. As he entered, the druggist approached him inquiring if he could help the young man, who responded that he wanted to purchase three one-pound boxes of chocolates.

The druggist, seeking to offer a bargain, told him he sold three-pound boxes of chocolates that represented a better bargain. The young man insisted that he wanted to buy three one-pound boxes of chocolates. Understanding the young man was determined, the druggist asked him why he was so set on three boxes of chocolates?

Really thinking it wasn’t any of the druggist’s business, the young man decided to tell him anyway.

Plans for the date

The young man told the druggist, that he had this date coming up and his plan was when he picked up the young lady and she sat close to him in his car he was going to present her a box of chocolates. They were then going to a movie, and after having their popcorn, he was going to stretch his arms and put one around his date. If she permitted this, she would receive another box of chocolates.

After the movie it would be late, and he would take her home, walk her to the front door and wanting to kiss her good night, if she permitted this he would present her another box of chocolates.

Things went so well on this date that others followed, until one day he was invited to the girl’s home for dinner one evening.

Arrived on best behavior

His arrival at her home, he was determined to be on his best behavior, they sat down to the table and the girl’s father quickly asked the boy if he would offer the blessing for this food. He was at his most thoughtful moment as he presented an ideal prayer for the food, family and the blessing of the life of Jesus Christ.

After dinner, the young people were watching a program and visiting and the young lady remarked, she had no idea that he was so efficient in his prayer. To this he replied that he had no idea that her father was a druggist!

Now on to other things

The remainder of December has several events, which should keep about everyone busy.

First, there are only 11 more real shopping days until Christmas, unless you are the type as mentioned before, that waits until the last minute and must rush to the store for a late selection.

Then, there is the first day of winter that arrives four days ahead of Christmas. Christmas comes next and is quickly followed by New Year’s Eve, which might be a reminder for those in the habit of making New Year’s Resolutions to begin making up their minds. With this advance notice you might be able to have a choice of one that you might live up to and be of some value to your life.

Almanac weather

For those who might be dreaming of a white Christmas, the Almanac suggests you keep dreaming. In about mid-December it could be Florida that will see a freeze warning in their weather report. Those residing east of the Mississippi have no chance for snow. For the southwest and mid-west, there are going to be periods of extremely cold weather possibly mixed with moisture out of the southwest, including the possibility of heavy snow.

If there was to be a big snow in these parts about this time of the year, it might be interesting to know if an area like the West Seventh Street hill might be set aside for youngsters to use a sledding area? Today’s children have no idea of what they have missed for this experience. Those of by-gone years spent many hours racing down that hill. Kids now probably don’t even own a sled with runners; they are using the flat, plastic type.

Bob Mitchell is the former editor and publisher of the Cassville Democrat. He is a 2017 inductee to both the Missouri Press Association Hall of Fame and Missouri Southern State University’s Regional Media Hall of Fame.