Push, Pull, or Work as a Team?

Quite often, children can respond much more maturely than we might expect. They need explanations and reasons for requests appropriate to their ability to understand. They, like adults, work much better with requests than with orders. Of course, we have to follow up the requests. We can't simply say, "Please", and expect the task to be accomplished. There is, however, a way to let the child feel like he or she is like an adult. When goals are set and responsibilities are laid out, more times than not a child feels a part of something bigger than self and will pitch in and do his or her share of work. When cooperation is not there, it is most often because the understanding of the importance of the task is absent as well.

One of the best ways to feel a part of a team is to be a player and accomplish something. In a ball game, players who sit on the bench through the entire game don't always feel a part of the team. In a family, children who never take part in the work to feel a sense of accomplishment do not feel a part of the family team. Children should not be spectators only. They need to do their part according to their ability. We do our children no favors by doing everything for them.

An important activity in developing teamwork is a weekly family meeting. This provides an excellent time to have a Bible reading and do a devotional. Then each family member should be allowed to bring up items for discussion that they think would make the family better. Rules need to be set for this discussion. Each item needs to be presented in a calm way as a positive suggestion. Arguing and quarreling should not be allowed. No suggestion should be laughed at or disregarded. Individuals should be allowed to comment on each suggestion, again in a positive way. Then, agreement needs to be reached as to whether the idea is feasible. In some cases, it may be necessary to implement the idea simply to show a family member that it is not feasible. Sometimes we all have to see things for ourselves before we accept them.

In reality, there are times when we do have to push and pull, but this should not be done any more than is absolutely necessary. By implementing a child's idea, we are showing that child that his/her ideas are important to the family and that child feels better about being a team member. If we follow through and say something like, "Wow, I'm sure glad you thought of that idea! That works really well for the family," then the child has an even greater sense of worth to the family team. When they gave the idea, they are more likely to work and see that the idea succeeds.