The Value of Looking Back

Memorial Day was once called "Decoration Day" because everyone went to decorate the graves of past relatives. It was a time to talk about both the good and bad things those relatives had done. The good mentioned helps children set goals for what they want to accomplish in their lives to live up to the family expectations. The bad things mentioned help children know what they need to avoid as they make hard choices in behavior.

This is an opportune time for parents to instill the knowledge that drugs, tobacco and alcohol are really bad choices. We need not be hesitant to point out that someone might still be alive today had they not chosen to use drugs, alcohol, or tobacco. We have great visual aids right in front of us in a cemetery.

By contrast, show the graves of the military who gave their lives for a cause. Talk about some of the freedoms we enjoy and some of the reasons that wars have been fought. As children see these graves and hear discussion about causes of death, they cannot help but do some serious thinking about what they want to accomplish with their lives. As they internalize what they are hearing and seeing, they are setting goals for themselves.

How can we help but feel gratitude and thankfulness for what we have as we learn about the sacrifices that have been made for us? As mom and dad talk about how ancestors did the laundry, planted gardens, and worked so hard in so many other ways, the children may want to take better care of the modern-day appliances they have. A greater respect will be gained for elderly people when children realize what those strong and tough individuals endured. Children might even want to stand up and let an elderly person have their seat the next time they have that opportunity!

No person can help but think about his/her length of time on earth before going to meet the Creator as they visit a cemetery. We become more conscious of the time we have to make any accomplishment for the good. It is the tendency of young people to think "someday" as they plan their lives. Seeing the graves of those who died young helps one to understand that "someday" may never come.

Many might say, "It is all well and good to say that children will learn a lot by going to a cemetery on Memorial Day, but how do you get them to go? What if they don't want to go and would rather stay home or do something else?" You are the parents. You make them go. Set the family tradition so that there is no question about it. It only takes part of one day to make the trip to the graves. Then, plan another activity that will be fun for the other time. If you live too great a distance from the graves of relatives, take the children to visit the grave of a family friend or go to a military cemetery.

We wonder why so many young people seem to have a lack of respect for the elderly and make improper choices about the use of harmful substances. A tradition of annual visits to the cemetery is such a simple thing that can be done to prevent so many problems in children and teens. Why should we wait until a problem occurs when we can head it off before it begins? This family tradition can instill in children and adults the desire to use time wisely and set appropriate goals of behavior.